OMGLOL #9: Sex Advice & Christmas!

Do a double take on the title again and you'd realize how they don't sync. It's true. Sex and Christmas don't mix unless you're one of those oddballs who enjoy taking part in statistics where it correlates the number of people and the sudden burst of pregnancies after Christmas Day. Very simply put, you guys do mix Sex and Christmas.

However, that isn't what I'm going to talk about today. First off, I would like to express again how much I am truly in love with the film The Brothers Bloom. I know it's all about con jobs and all but I feel that the show is so poignant because it does not only centre around the maddening adventures that prevail in the lives of con men but also the significance of brotherhood, relationships and love. I must tell you too that the ending is a sad one. Aside from those I've mentioned, the movie has one of the best cinematography and editing that I have seen in a pretty long time. The dialogue alone was brilliant. I read the script after and every single line was verbatim to the movie. I was impressed. The last time I read a good script was the Black Swan and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

Damn writer's block. Oh dear God. I can't believe my writer's block has spanned the entire day. I didn't even know writing a blog post would involve my damn writer's block. Pardon me for this rather uninteresting account of my thoughts but seriously, I feel as if though I am stringing my sentences with the same words over and over.

Which is exactly why I refused to continue working on my script today. I had absolutely zero motivation let alone inspiration. So I told myself earlier in the morning that I should challenge myself rather than proving the futility of my existence (as far as the saying goes 'An idle mind is a devil's playground' holds true) and grabbed a book from my Dad's study which never has a shortage of books.

The first time I picked something , it was Robert H. Frank's 'The Return Of The Economic Naturalist'. "Well, now that's a challenge," I told myself, looking rather serious in my pair of geek chic Donna Karan glasses. It was technically a challenge since I didn't have a proper fundamental knowledge in anything economics. Yes, maybe I did believe for awhile that the book would be a personal Economics 101 professor. But then when I began reading through the first 2 pages, I realized that I had to have 'a proper fundamental knowlegde of economics' prior because the author began to rattle off some many economics jargon. And also because it said 'The Return of The Economic Naturalist'. I was missing the first book.

I was starting to think this whole point of me 'trying not to prove the futility of my existence' was backfiring. I could see myself standing in there for the rest of the day spending it choosing books as if though I were adjudicating a pie contest. Finally, my hands (not eyes since I relied solely on randomness) rested on a book titled 'Dr. Tatiana's Sex Advice To All Creation'. There is a wise old saying about not judging books by their covers. I would like to disagree. When I got a good look of the cover, it was a simple picture of two insects. Copulating. That got me amped. I mean not that I get horny when I see two insects having sex...

Honestly speaking, when I read its sypnosis, I wasn't amped at all apart from the book cover. It was very Biology- oriented and somewhat also a fun fact book for all entemologists out there. So as I would know it, my interest began to wane.

But since I was also quite a Bio fan myself, I was prepping myself for some good stuff that might catch me unsuspectingly once I flip the pages through. And how right I was.

All I can say now is that the author, Olivia Judson is a an effing genius. The last time I said that was after I watched The Brothers Bloom last night. So from now on, I will apply this somewhat appropriate and inappropriate term to anything that can hold my attention for more than 5 minutes.

This definitive guide has been the most informative and hilarious book I have been devoid of for so long. The last time I had a good read was David Sedaris' 'When You're Engulfed In Flames' which was hilarious but not as informative as this was. I'm not a bug fan because bugs tend to make me itch for no apparent reason but this book didn't give me that all too familiar discomforting feeling. The only feeling I have been getting were my funny bone tickling.

Moving on, Christmas is less than 2 weeks away! I am usually not in a good mood all year round but come December, I tend to make an exception. I don't know why I have such a feeling toward that one day. First off, I'm not a Christian (I'm Buddhist) but thanks to my parents' liberal beliefs, I have been brought up to celebrate all these other holidays.
For one, my parents raised my sister and I to also observe Christianity even though we were also quite devout Buddhists. When we were kids, they sent us to Calvary Church to learn biblical lessons and sing hymns and all. I guess it's probably because my parents are very much Westernized like me.

12 days more!

OMGLOL #8: Black Swan Is Finally Filming & Boys And Their Dirty Fantasy

Photos source: Accidentally Sexy

I just came from reading that the Darren Aronofsky-helmed ballerina thriller has just begun filming (pictures above are from the 1st day on set) and all I can say right now is that I'm only holding my breath for as long as I can until the movie comes out. Even before this, there was already so much hype surrounding the film thanks to the purported 'angry and aggressive' sex scene between the main actors, Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis. Boy, I don't understand why movies have to satisfy every hetero male's dirty fantasy of seeing two women making out. Mila Kunis' recent eye- rolling at the mention of the scene alone is exactly the response that all women should show as of now. Men everywhere who have suddenly become fans of ballet thrillers and watching girls prance around in their tutus and all are disgusting. You actually see them migrate from the other mainstream action flick boards to the Black Swan IMDb board and concentrating solely on one thread- 'Natalie & Mila's Angry Lesbian Sex Scene!!!' And no, I did not add those exclamations to exaggerate. That is exactly how excited the boys are over that one scene. Hey, Darren, maybe you should just place more emphasis on the sex scene. You can't let the boys down this round. They'd eat you alive!!!!

There was one poster on the thread who made it clear that he was waiting for this one scene and this one scene only. I mean, he had made his life revolve about it.

And I quote him, " If I die before this show comes out, I would soooooo kick up a fuss all the way up to heaven."

Now back to the part where I am excited and it's not because I'm some frenzied voyeuristic fanboy who happens to have the accursed 'tool' and the ever present testosterone. I happen to like it because I read the entire script and I felt that it was better than I had expected. In fact, it drew so much inspiration for me to incorporate some of its dark undertone into my current work. I'm quite frankly excited how the script would materialize onscreen with Darren's direction.

It's also funny how coincidental it seems that I was watching The Brothers Bloom which starred Darren's real life fiance, Rachel Weisz in the same day too. The Brothers Bloom is a riot. I loved the plot, I loved the two child actors in the beginning and I loved Rinko Kikunchi. She was great in Babel but in this role, you see the hilarious side of her. This movie is effing genius. I don't know why my Dad thinks the movie sucks. He said it was because he hated anything to do with 'con jobs'.

That's quite ironic. He condemns con jobs but he condones murders and violence in other movies. The extreme polarity of these two things in which he favors is so unbelievable.

Speaking of movies, I am done with 4 more pages of my script. I know, I know it's going at snail pace. I don't think I'll even be done with 50 pages by the time my vacay is over but give em' hope, man! Plus, I finally lucked out on a new title for it. It sounds stale though since I sorta did a little rearrangement of words with it with inspirations from various movie titles. And I spent like 5 minutes on the cover itself.

It's not exactly HD clear but I'm sure you can make out the words. If it doesn't, I think a magnifying glass would be a better aid?

OMGLOL #7: Useless Hostel Guards Take The Cake For Joke Of The Day

In life, there are people who make you angry and then there are people who make you even angrier.

Gosh, quotable quote of the day much?



I'm sorry but these particular things, although may seem trivial to readers is actually a huge thing to someone who had to go through something as obnoxious as what I had to go through.

It was basically 5 minutes of speaking with two devils disguised as hostel guards. Seriously.

So the story went like this.

I was supposed to hand over the materials that I had resourced for my team mate on the Physics Semester 2 project to her at her hostel. Unfortunately for her, or more like me, it had been raining all night and the only other alternative was to hand it to the hostel guards for safekeeping.

I'm not sure if 'safekeeping' is even the right term to put in this particular context as I soon begin to realize. So I went up to the two idiots who were callously allowing every Tom, Dick and Harry enter the hostel grounds without proper inspection. They first asked me to write down my friend's particulars after I told them about what I wanted them to do with the items. I began writing down whatever I was required and whilst I was doing so, one of the guards went like "You have to put down her father's name" and I was like going 'WTH' in my head. How is that relevant to what I was doing? Is that even a prerequisite for a safety measure? I shot back at them saying "Why do I have to do that when I have her name?" and they casually retorted "Ok,ok, whatever you want to."


Then as I am starting to have some difficulties putting down all the correct digits on her ID, one of them goes " Could you draw a picture of her just so, you know, we can identify her better?"

That was like honestly the most uneducated thing to ever come out of someone's mouth. How on friggin' earth does he expect me to draw my friend's face? Even if she did look like straight out of a cartoon strip, I think it's pretty damn dumb for such a thing!

I can't blame him though. He is indeed just your typical idiotic security guard who has nothing better to do than to make other's lives miserable. Just to add that pinch of amusement or sick delight he hasn't had in months doing that pathetic job from day to day. I feel sorry for him.

I actually wanted to play along with him when he said "Could you draw a picture of her?"

I was prepared to actually take my sweet time drawing her picture which would've looked something like this.





I bet he would be super eager to see her. Not only is she literally stick thin, she's got no top on and she has the same moustache as he has. The girl of his dreams? Probably so. My friend? Nope.

Update On My Yet To Be Titled Movie Script And More!!!

I'm glad I finally started writing my movie script. You just can't imagine what it's like to find an introduction to a movie script without having to crack your head open for the essential parts to start flowing fluidly out of it. The whole process is like awfully long and dreadful. You have to get the facts right and then you have to constantly check that you're abiding to the standard rules of screenwriting. That's not too bad, you also have to continously remind yourself that you're NOT writing a story. The story is supposed to play out in your head like you'd see it as a movie already at this point when you get down to writing. That, unfortunately hasn't been going exceptionally swell for me either.

I am distracted by a whole bunch of other things on the www in the mean time. Then again, the good thing about one of them distractions is that whenever I'm waiting for a YouTube video to load as I have 'superb' modem speed at present, I tend to be suddenly motivated to occupy that time to continue with writing.

The bad part is, yes, I am terribly distracted to the absolute point where I switch from my writing to The Sartorialist and when I come back like 2 minutes later, whatever idea I had prior was all lost in translation between going back and forth these two things.

So, yeah, I'm on to page 5 of the script as is evident in the pictures above and a helluva long way to go (as movie scripts can stretch to more than a 150- pages long).

Plus I saw Taylor Swift on Oprah today and my,my,my, she is so sweet and likeable and admirable. Even my Mom adores her it is insane. Moms aren't supposed to like what their children like. It's like the ultimate irony or whatever. More so that their children are teen-aged children. But I can't blame her.

Oh,oh, and I finished the entire ANTM Cycle 13 last night. It was one inspiring cycle. And it was fair because Nicole aka The Underdog won! I am like of at this moment obssessed with her.

I love this picture of her. Does she not look a tad bit like the singer, Jewel?

OMGLOL #6: Bathroom Singing & ANTM Cycle 13 Is On DVD!

I have to give good mention about my awesome bathroom singing someday and the time is now. The once old bathroom adjacent to my bedroom wasn't exactly the perfect place to have my daily karaoke session but now, with it freshly renovated and refurbished, I have found that my interest in bathroom singing has more than piqued.

Why?

The answer lies in this picture.

Guess this explains why I have been taking longer than usual to take a shower. Besides, my fantastically equipped bathroom is quite small so to add to the amazing faux/ makeshift mic that I have in the shower, I have this booming Dolby surround sound whenever I sing those Taylor Swift songs. The Physics logic behind this just adds to my amusement and not only my amusement, my Dad's too, since he happens to pass by to get to his study and hears some cat in heat inside.

On the page of 'amusement', I went for my Sunday driving practice today with my dear ol' Dad. I haven't had practice in a pretty long time due to constant procastinations and my Semester exams. Finally, today I managed to have one. It was 9.25 AM when I awoke, still a slight groggy, swapped my PJs for something casual and hit the road with him. My Dad kept asking me if I was freshened or not and I kept nodding but in actual fact, my eyes were still a little tight from not thoroughly cleaning the eye poop from them. No joke. Nevertheless, it must be some freakin miracle because I made it out of the neighborhood in one piece.

Then I went to my Dad's office building and we went to the top floor which was pretty vacant to do some practice on my 'terrid' (I would not cease to put the quotation marks around that word unless it makes it into the dictionary) parking skills. Somehow, I felt like even though I hadn't driven in light years, I was still able to park quite alright. Hoping that's a good sign that I'm getting a hang of it. :)

God, I'm seriously livin' In The Age Of OMGLOL. Ending my sentences with :)

There's a good friend of mine, Jeremy who does that in this texts. He doesn't just end sentences with them, he laces the entire texts with them. I don't find it annoying. It's actually kinda cute. Isn't it better than ending it with :( , ain't it?

Back to the topic of driving and stuff, so as I was making a turn on this nasty bend before the ramp to exit the building, I ended up fouling the turn and having to reverse about twice. And this really impatient person behind me honked loudly even with my Probational sticker right smack on the back of the car glaring down at her. I got even more pressured but finally I managed to get the heck out of there while my Dad was cursing and swearing at the stupid ass behind us. So, my Dad gave his fatherly advice and told me to go press the oil to the floor and chase that S.O.B. Turns out, the S.O.B. was an M.O.B. (Mother of B****es) and as I finally parked the car behind the M.O.B.'s car, both of us still cursing, my Dad noticed her bumper sticker behind which explained why she was ignorant to my glaring Probational sticker.

On the back read:

"Back Off! Mafia Inside" With reference to the 'Intel Inside' slogan and signature.

My Dad then changed his tune. Time to just let go. We didn't want a mobster on our tails.

Later, we went to the local bootlegged DVD peddlar and got a few to keep me occupied during my month long vacay. That included Cycle 13 of ANTM. So I've begun watching the 3rd episode on my laptop and boy, it just reminded me why I used to love ANTM so much. The girls never lose their :

1. Kookiness

2. Psycho game

3. Gayness (I have a feeling one in every 14 girls is gay. Just look at it, every cycle there's sure one girl who is either bi or gay)

4. And not to forget, their drama mamas. Gosh, do they ever not tire?

Right now, I'm lovin' the Underdog, Nicole. She's got all the criteria I've mentioned going for her (except No.3, also that I am still unsure of). She looks a bit like the twins from a few cycles back and the Girl With The Aspergers' Syndrome back in C10. I think her name was Heather. But she's gorgeous.

Manna From Heckler Heaven???

Apparently, my conquest of the dictionary has failed.

I am a complete moron.

I opened up the morning paper, proceed to read about the Tiger Woods' scandal and halfway through, I came across this term:

'Manna from heckler heaven'

I asked my Dad later during tea and he said he didn't know. At least I know I'm not alone but in the first place, how could this writer have used such a word that even the word bombastic isn't suffice to describe.

It's like a sentence on its own.

I just Googled it and the only results that have so far been popping up were 'manna from heaven'. So I don't know in what context the writer was using the term for but kudos to him, I officially am unable to sleep for the next two nights or so.

Of My New Movie Script And 'Mama Do'

I'm capping myself 5 minutes till I begin writing the first page(s) of my untitled new movie script. Right now, everything's swirling in my head. Condensed like in Prophase of Mitosis. Okay, I do not intend to go on about what else happens next because I am not ready for any Biology- related explanations. I have had enough since last Tuesday's Bio paper.


So the main plot is really simple but is still subject to change. It's about this young college student (wonder where I got that inspiration from?) who lives next door to the man of her dreams, a young and brooding apprentice mechanic. The catch is, he still lives with his parents but she still adores him even so. She finds it strangely attractive in him. But what comes between her and him, as we go again in the cliched world of cliches, is his girlfriend whom he has been diligently going out with since high school. So his high school sweetheart is this orphaned child and she enters into her boyfriend's life and finds herself welcomed by the warmth of his parents. And the girl next door can do nothing but watch, dejectedly each day. But watch she does, when the girl next door begins to discover something that isn't right one day. From her constant peeping from her window, she finds out that there's more to the girlfriend than meets the eye. Above that, she finds out that the girlfriend isn't the only one in the complex lie that would be the ultimate betrayal to her boyfriend and his family. One of the family member is darker than portrayed. Who could it be?


I love how something just magically pops up in my head like that. In a snap. My inspirations for a certain story evolves from nothing and transforms into something in under five minutes, it's frightening. I was out at dinner earlier and when I was done with my meal, I had time on my hands and began furiously typing away at my phone on the draft of the story's plot.


Also, I bought Pixie Lott's album today. I meant my dad bought it for me. I still haven't got the decency to get a real long lived part time job. I'm just a walking futility.






Mama Do's like really etched in my head right now. Don't know how is that any encouragement to start on my script.

By the way, as an observant person should notice, I have begun to insert pictures into my usually droning rants. Believe me, I really do see what one picture, no matter how lousy it is can do to one usually mundane blog post. It's like watching the weather report, except with color.